Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Sometimes I Just Don't Understand People

Sometimes I just don't understand people.  They baffle me.  I probably baffle some of them, too, but that's beside the point.  I don't understand how some women can callously throw away the life of their unborn child, how anyone can beat the life out of a child, how a person can justify abuse of any kind, list could go on for a while, but you get the point. 

I also don't understand how we still have people in our world who are educated but still labor under the belief that a baby isn't real until it he/she is breathing.  I know that I was pregnant---WITH A BABY---not some mass of cells that could have morphed into anything.  I SAW HER---saw her heart beat, watched her turn somersaults and bounce around, saw her teeny tiny hands.  SHE WAS A BABY, AND SHE WAS MY DAUGHTER.

However, this author apparently thought that we need to go back to the dark ages regarding miscarriage and stillbirth.  It's the kind of article you'd expect a guy to write, only it's a woman.  A woman who has never experienced a loss like this, and who did not stop to think and sympathize with those who have had such a loss. 

To her, this kind of loss is an "eeeeewwww, icky" kind of moment.  Why?  I agree that we live in an over-sharing kind of society. But in all of the oversharing that is out there, I don't think I have yet to go 'hmmm, that babyloss momma is just waaaaay oversharing there.  She needs to just ignore what happened and just get over it."   I think of all the women who overshare about their pregnancies, their infants, their kids, their husbands, their dogs/cats/whatevers, and it bothers me greatly to think about how it is still considered taboo to share about the loss of your child who never drew a breath.

I'm still trying to figure it out, but I think it boils down to worldview.  My worldview is that life begins at conception, that all life is loved by God, and that He grieves with us when that life is cut short--by whatever cuts it short.  He grieves when a woman chooses to cut that life short, and He grieves with you when it's not your fault that your child's life is cut short.

The worldview of this author seems to be that life does not begin until a breath has been taken.  She is "concerned" by these crazy women and families that choose to acknowledge that this tiny infant was a real person, that he/she was loved by a family, and that just because you have a religious persuasion it must mean you're a nut.  She seems upset that there are women out there who are still grieving a lost infant after three years.  I am still grieving my loss.  Does that mean that I cry uncontrollably every day? No, but I do still cry from time to time.  I don't know what will trigger it, but that loss created a hole inside my heart, a hole that will never be completely filled, and shouldn't ever be. 

I guess that I still just don't understand how we can remember in memoriam people who were famous for all the wrong reasons, but keeping a memorial of your lost baby who was innocent is offensive.  I still limit my conversations about Elizabeth to people who I think will be receptive.  I don't want someone squashing my bruised emotions about her, so I limit the sharing. 

In conclusion, this article was poorly done and shows great bias.  I guess if you buy into the lie that life is only life once it's breathing air, you won't be upset by what she says.  If you buy into the belief that all life is cherished, then someone who thinks you should hide the fact that miscarriages and stillbirths are babies tends to upset you.

What do you think?  I already know my thoughts are biased, but I'm just writing from my experience.  Have you seen too much over-sharing where the topic of miscarriage/stillbirth is associated?  Let me know.

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