Saturday, March 3, 2012

One Month

One month until the big doctor's appointment...

And I am NOT ready for it.  I began working out, dropped 10 pounds, then caught the kidney infection from heck and had to table the working out for 3 weeks.  Of course I gained the weight back, and I'm starting all over again.  I think this is what frustrates me the most about PCOS.

I can watch my intake, add in extra fruits, and make homeade meals that have fewer calories than boxed foods, and STILL not lose any weight.  It drives me nuts because other women can "diet" for a few weeks, drop the exta five pounds, and then fit into their clothes again.  I don't add any salt to my foods, no preservatives, no artificial stuff, and I can GAIN weight just by looking at food.  I know I'm not eating fruit/veggie only, and I'm still eating what tastes good, but surely cutting back and working out would result in weight loss if I was normal.

PCOS is many things, but benign is not one of them.  I've gotten used to all the female issues it brings, even if I don't like any of them, but goodness gracious, the visible signs are almost more than I can handle.  I just want to be able to miss a few days of working out and NOT gain back everything and then some.  I want to have a womanly shape, and not look like the apple guy in the Hanes commercial. 

I want to do so many things, but most of all, I just want to be a mom.  After three years of walking down one path, I've finally reached a fork in the road, and I'm taking it.  It's super scary, and each day I am more scared.  I just want to be told that nothing is impossible and be given that hope that disappeared when I lost Elizabeth.

Keep me in your prayers, will you?  I need peace, patience, and confidence....and a lot of prayers.  Thanks.