In case you've ever wondered what it's like to walk a mile in my shoes...here's a video that sums up my emotions quite nicely. And no, I'm not like this every day, but I've heard of 10 new pregnancy announcements from friends and family in the last 3 weeks, and while I'm happy for all of them, there's this feeling of being left in the dust while everyone else gets to see their dreams come true. And I guess I'm also worried that when I finally get in to see the specialist this fall, he'll tell me that I'm too fat to be a mom, or too old, or that I'm a hopeless case. I just really, really like my current doctor, and I don't know about a guy doctor--especially one who doesn't know me. Anyway, here's the video, and no it's not directed at anyone--I really am happy for those of you expecting--it's just that I'm sad that it's not me at the same time---I really think that those of us suffering from infertility lead dual lives with multiple personalities. I feel like two people most of the time, happy yet sad, hopeful and hopeless, ready to meet things head-on while still wanting to hide behind a rock...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4nFFGCbR18&feature=player_embedded
Yeah. I get you.
ReplyDeleteyup. i can relate. joy and sadness at the same time... wondering if you'll ever get to have the experience and feeling guilty for being jealous... when everybody else just seems excited. dual emotions. having no choice but to keep walking forward - trying to have hope, trying to not go totally crazy in being hopeful... praying for some extra peace and courage for you!
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